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Are You Happy? Ebony Asks Black Women

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For too lengthy, African-American women and their sexual wants have been ignored. Over the decades, media-glorified studies have claimed to interrupt new floor in regard to sexuality, but they seldom addressed the needs and concerns of African-American ladies. In actual fact, research that addressed Black ladies usually targeted on transmission of illness.

Ebony magazine readers wanted to know extra. What turns us on, what turns us off? The place can we go when we now have issues or questions? What are our main problems and concerns?

In response to the hundreds of reader queries the journal continued to get, Ebony undertook a major examine to reply a few of these questions. The survey results had been printed in October 2004. The magazine wished to listen to about the issues that affect the standard of black ladies's lives and relationships. Ebony has commissioned Hope Ashby, Ph.D., a psychotherapist primarily based in New York Metropolis, to help design a groundbreaking new intercourse survey that delved into the hearts and intercourse lives of Black ladies. And there are options that may result in a healthier, extra fulfilling sex life. Ultimately, they hoped to shed some gentle on personal issues and let black girls know that they are not alone; different girls have the same issues that you just do.

Here, Dr. Ashby, provides some insight into Black women and sexuality.

Query: What are the sexuality problems affecting Black ladies?

Dr. Ashby: A serious sexuality problem going through Black girls at present is HIV/AIDS. There's numerous misinformation or just nonexistent details about anorgasmia, low libido, painful sex and even simple issues such as the impact of hormones on sexual functioning. One other is the lack of data available in our communities.

Query: Are there sexuality issues that have an effect on Black ladies extra so than different girls?

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Dr. Ashby: A continuous complaint about their companions not wanting to put on condoms. Black ladies also bring up the inability to have an orgasm and low or misplaced libido as White ladies do.

Query: Are there facets of sexuality that Black women appear to take pleasure in an advantage?

Dr. Ashby: I think that the one benefit that Black girls have is high physique esteem. We are typically extra comfy in our bodies, particularly Black girls who are plus-measurement. Having a high body esteem helps to boost one's sexual feelings about herself.

Query: When a Black girl has a problem with intercourse, where does she go for assist and recommendation?

Dr. Ashby: Black women are likely to go to their associates; it's rare that they go to their doctors with sex issues as a result of they are unaware that there's help on the market for some of these problems. Some medical doctors are beginning to listen to their patients' sexuality complaints and learn about the area of sexual medication. There are professionals, like myself, who focus on sexually associated points and might help.

Question: For many who will not be comfortable talking to their partners, what advice do you have got?

Dr. Ashby: Initially, do not select to begin having these conversations when you are about to have sex. Are there fantasies he wish to discover? It's important to start these conversations in a impartial, non-threatening place, particularly if you haven't been having orgasms and you have been faking. Start by asking your partner what he thinks about your intercourse life. That's the wrong time.

Query: How do history and culture affect our sexuality?

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Dr. Ashby: All through White historical past, Black girls have been portrayed in two paradigms--that of Jezebel and that of "mammy." Jezebel being the slut, promiscuous lady and "mammy" being utterly asexual however at all times passive and caretaking. This traumatic historical past remains to be an unconscious remnant within the lives of Black girls. One other facet of Black history that's tied to these paradigms is that as slaves Black women were commonly raped and sodomized by their masters, and also sold off from their families. This message can be pervasive in American tradition. Little women are taught that intercourse is to be saved for marriage with out ever listening to any point out of enjoyment. Because Black women have generally been checked out by means of these two lenses, it has been difficult for us to find middle floor. It will get conveyed in a refined approach that pleasure is reserved to your associate and that you're the conveyer of that pleasure. How can you be a cushty sexual being whenever you could possibly be perceived as a slut? Thus Black women are often caught between being a "good girl" (nonsexual), or a "unhealthy girl" (sexual).

Query: Why do some Black girls really feel dangerous or "dirty" about initiating intercourse with their mate?

Dr. Ashby: It is an issue of feeling they are not entitled to pleasure and not recognizing themselves as sexual beings with needs of their very own. This additionally goes back to how gifts are socialized in American society. Boys, however, are socialized to assume that they can have sex with anybody at any time and that it is their proper to take action. Some ladies are socialized to think that intercourse is dirty and that only bad issues can come of it should you interact in intercourse.

Query: Based mostly on your research, how do Black ladies really feel about oral intercourse and anal sex?

Dr. Ashby: Black women are more snug immediately than they have been a number of years ago in giving and receiving oral sex. Anal sex remains to be comparatively taboo for Black girls. I usually hear about male partners having issues giving oral intercourse.

Question: What can mothers do to ensure their daughters are informed about intercourse?

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Dr. Ashby: It's crucial that mothers sit down with their daughters and talk about intercourse and sexuality. Adolescence is a time for experimentation; adolescents query their sex appeal, whether or not they're gay, straight, or bisexual, whether oral sex is "intercourse," and the way to go about it. Regardless that the data is accessible, children nonetheless need and search steering from those they trust most--their parents. Being open and trustworthy along with your teen is key to impacting their behavior.

Question: Are Black girls at present more snug in accepting their lesbianism?

Dr. Ashby: From many conversations with my patients, evidently Black women are way more snug than they have been just a few years ago about accepting their lesbianism, but it remains to be a battle. My patients state that the African-American community nonetheless has problem accepting and coping with the gay and lesbian subpopulation. This comes with a number of challenges that White lesbians do not should face. Black lesbians are confronted with a triple handicap--being Black, female and a lesbian.

Query: Many ladies are concerned about whether or not sexual want decreases during menopause. Does it?

Dr. Ashby: The great thing about being human is that we are all totally different and some are lucky to not have a decrease in sexual actions. I have seen some girls who are barely affected by the adjustments introduced on by menopause and others whose lives are completely devastated by the hormonal imbalance.

Question: Why is HIV affecting Black ladies disproportionately?

Dr. Ashby: As a result of many are engaging in sexual exercise with out condoms. If your man will not wear a condom, there are ways you may protect your self. Thirdly, abstinence is always an choice till you find that someone who will respect you and your physique. First, there's a female condom accessible; secondly, there are nonoxynol-9 spermicides that may be inserted into the vagina prior to intercourse. Many girls I see as patients say that their man won't wear a condom because it "feels" higher; or if she insists that he wears one, he accuses her of dishonest. The ultimate form of caring and respect is when somebody places your feelings and desires above their very own.

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Question: How do Black girls approach masturbation and sex toys? Are there feelings of guilt?

Dr. Ashby: Masturbation remains to be considerably taboo for Black women as it is seen as "soiled." My patients have stated they are embarrassed to hunt down intercourse toys and feel that buying them would make them seem "unfastened." Sex therapists have had their patients use sex toys both with a companion or alone as a approach to figure out what turns them on and what turns them off.

Query: If there's one message about sexuality that you want to ship to African-American ladies around the country, what would that be?

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Dr. Ashby: I believe the message I wish to deliver to both African-American and African Sisters is that you're a lot greater than disease carriers and baby-makers. You might be sexual beings with wants and desires, and you are entitled to healthy, fulfilling sexual lives, and that there's assist in your sexual issues. Everyone is entitled to a fulfilling intercourse life.

We do it but we don't prefer to speak about it. Intercourse, that is.

African-American women could also be stereotyped as Lil' Kims in music movies, however for the most part, black ladies might be extraordinarily prudish in relation to discussing sex.

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That is why the outcomes of a landmark intercourse survey of black women appearing in the October 2004 problem of Ebony journal sure raised a couple of eyebrows.

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For starters, in line with the survey of 8,000 ladies nationwide and abroad, brothers apparently aren't taking care of their business. When asked "How glad are you along with your intercourse life?" 26.Eight percent of respondents mentioned they had been "considerably happy," 13.6 p.c stated they were "somewhat dissatisfied," and only 15.7 % of the girls stated they have been utterly satisfied.

Even more telling, whereas "cheating" is normally seen as a primarily male habits, the Ebony intercourse survey discovered that 44.2 percent of the women said they had cheated on their partners, whereas 41.4 p.c said they had not strayed.

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The 56-question survey asked about the form of intercourse that the majority black women won't even talk about with their best friends, like what is your preferred position for sex and methodology of penetration. That black girls are inclined to shrink back from brazenly discussing their sexuality is comprehensible.

Black women were objectified and sexually abused throughout slavery and the Jim Crow period. In real life, black teenage girls are being sexually assaulted by older men, including male family, at an alarming charge. At this time, younger black girls are demeaned as sexual objects in rap lyrics and movies.

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Ebony's survey discovered that 41.9 p.c of black ladies agreed with the assertion: "The stereotypical media portrayal of black ladies (as unfastened, unrestrained, bossy) has had a unfavourable influence on our sexual development." And about 37 percent of respondents stated they had a history of sexual abuse.

Yet the "prepared-at-the-drop-of-a-hat" black lady is essentially a myth.

According to the Ebony survey, although 59.7 percent of black women said "masturbation is wholesome and regular," 25.Three p.c of these women said they by no means masturbate. When requested: "How usually do you expertise orgasm?" 22 % mentioned "fairly often," 25.2 % mentioned "typically," 26.4 % said "generally," and 18.Four percent said "every so often."

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"This was a problem that we would have liked to address," said Lynn Norment, Ebony's managing editor. "I have carried out dozens of relationship tales through the years and that i noticed the necessity. There's been sex surveys about girls generally, but black women were almost a footnote in those surveys. I believed it was time for us to deal with black girls and the issues that we face in our lives."

The survey was carried out online. Obviously, an online survey gave respondents a lot of privateness. However some respondents mailed their responses to Ebony. Nonetheless, there are indications that respondents had been uncomfortable answering some questions.

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As an example, consider the subject of oral sex.

Solely 2.7 p.c of girls surveyed admitted giving oral sex, while 11.6 percent stated they have been recipients of oral intercourse, and a whopping 82.1 % claimed both parties engaged in oral sex. However when requested: "How typically do you experience oral sex?", 16.9 p.c stated fairly often; 29 % said "often;" 21.9 percent mentioned seldom; and 24.Four % of the respondents mentioned "sometimes."

I can't show this, however 2.7 % seems an awful small quantity for givers. What that tiny quantity says to me is oral intercourse continues to be so taboo within the black neighborhood, most black girls still won't admit to giving oral intercourse with out getting it too.

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Most of the respondents stay within the South (37.9 %), are college graduates (52.7 percent) and have never been married (50.2 %).

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"I'm a minister's daughter," stated Hope Ashby, the brand new York City- based intercourse therapist who helped Ebony formulate the intercourse survey. "My mother is a Southern belle, and we didn't talk about these items. That's the reason this is kind of great. Black girls deal with the same issues as white ladies. We aren't having as much sex as we'd need, and when we are having sex, we aren't being sexually glad," she said.

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Given the "down low" phenomenon -- that's, black men who have intercourse with girls but don't determine themselves as gay or disclose to their female companions that they even have intercourse with males -- I used to be shocked Ebony didn't ask outright about condom use.

Forty-eight % of respondents said they were very involved about "brothers on the down low," 16.5 p.c mentioned they have been "considerably concerned," and 27.Three % mentioned they were not involved.

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"What we didn't wish to do was alienate individuals from answering the questions," Ashby mentioned. "Being in your face about it makes individuals go the opposite approach and never need to talk about it."

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Hopefully, Ebony's sex survey will jump-begin the actual conversation.

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1. How satisfied are you together with your sex life? In case you have just about any queries regarding wherever as well as how to employ women with huge silicone tits getting fisted pictures, you are able to contact us in our page.

Fully satisfied 15.77%

Principally glad 25.Forty two

Considerably satisfied 26.Eighty five

Somewhat dissatisfied 13.Sixty two

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Mostly dissatisfied 9.09

Fully dissatisfied 9.25

2. How often do you interact in sexual intercourse?

Day by day 6.36

As soon as every week or extra 41.64

Once a month 11.Sixty nine

Two or three times a month 23.31

Once or twice a year 9.05

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Not at all 7.Ninety five

3. How often would you wish to have sex?

Each day 32.01

Once per week or extra 58.04

Once a month 1.Seventy nine

Two or thrice a month 6.22

Once or twice a 12 months 0.Forty four

Less than as soon as a year 0.18

Not in any respect 1.32

4. How often do you expertise orgasm?

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Very often 22.07

Usually 25.23

Generally 26.Forty three

Occasionally 18.41

By no means 7.86

5. Have you ever cheated on your companion?

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Sure 44.23

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No 41.47

Thought-about it, but did not 14.29

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The survey included 8,000 black women, most of whom answered questions online. Some mailed responses to Ebony. The survey was performed between March eight and April 30, 2004.

APA Reference
Workers, H. (2021, December 17). Are You Glad? Ebony Asks Black Girls, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, March 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/intercourse/women/are-you-glad-ebony-asks-black-ladies

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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